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Friday, April 28, 2006
these past few weeks have made me realized that there are just some things that u canot be a part of. just like in the song, i truly think that the hardest part is letting go, and not taking part anymore. i'd be lying if i say im not sad anymore. jx maybe right saying im sad for way too long alr. but i guess some heartaches juz take longer to heal. watever the case, i think the sadness is slowly fading.

the slightest noise or the slightest laughter makes me turn my head. i really need to stop.

my appetite is goin downhill these days. i cant even finish 6 pieces of nuggets. i almost puked at the 5th one. mentally tired. i look like crap. shrinking-by-the-day puffy eyes. horrible dark rings. and dying-to-pop-out pimples. poot.

12 more days! jx said use Phuture as my source of motivation. whahaha.
glanced at the mirror at 2:59 PM
wheres the motivation!
Thursday, April 27, 2006
omg. with everyone finishing their exams... i've got no motivation to study! somebody help! contemplating whether to go home this weekend... in such a dilemma!!! somebody help again! I REALLY NEED TO STUDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god.

13 days to PHUTURE!
glanced at the mirror at 6:24 PM
i plucked up the courage and msned him today. i decided to talk it out now, rather than wait after the exams.

nothing's changed. but i'm glad i did it. thanks.


and i close this chapter :)
glanced at the mirror at 2:07 AM
Panic Attack!
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
just last nite i realized i've got one huge shit load of political econs notes tat i havent read BEFORE! and i panicked! booohoohooo... everything seems so disorganized! anyhow, i've decided to forego tat stack of shit.. and concentrate on the "wu ling mi ji". *cross my fingers and pray hard*

and so another batch of pple have finished their exams. poot. just 2 more weeks!! exactly 2 weeks from today....................and i'll be free from the exam stress!! PHUTURE HERE I COME!!! sheryl and baoling!!!!! i cant wait!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARGH!!!
glanced at the mirror at 2:06 PM
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Coldplay - The Hardest Part
And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
Was the hardest part
And the strangest thing
was waiting for that bell to ring
It was the strangest start
I could feel it go down
It is sweet I could taste in my mouth
Silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
I wish that I could work it out
And the hardest part
Was letting go not taking part
You really broke my heart
And I tried to sing
But I couldn't think of anything
That was the hardest part
I could feel it go down
You left the sweetest taste in my mouth
Your silver lining the clouds
Oh and I
Oh and I
I wonder what it's all about
I wonder what it's all about
Everything I know is wrong
Everything I do just comes undone
And everything is torn apart
Oh and it's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
Yeah that's the hardest part
That's the hardest part
glanced at the mirror at 1:06 AM
Lifehouse - Blind

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as you turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried
after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go
I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like it was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor
after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go
after all this why
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
and part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
and part of me died when I let you go
glanced at the mirror at 12:51 AM
today.
the day u held my hand.
glanced at the mirror at 12:32 AM
HAPPY BIRTHDAY BROTHER!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
ok i'm 36 mins late... but anyway HAPPY BIRTHDAY dear BRO!!! too bad ur b'dae falls during the exam period... boring. anyhow.. thanks for being juz a dear to me, for being there when im down, and everything. i hope both ur wishes come true! :) and now, presenting this dear of mine....

hahaha he's a cock. and tat pic has proven it. love ya lots!!
glanced at the mirror at 12:36 AM
broke down.
Friday, April 21, 2006
i completely broke down on wed nite. been feeling rather down these few days when i come back to hall at nite. all alone. on wed, with all the missing notes that were supposed to be there... it was juz too overwhelming to take it all in. why am i like this? I AM SO TIRED!! hearing my bro's voice over the phone juz made me brawl my eyes out. for the first time.. i had to hide in the toilet and cry. pathetic i know. i duno wat happened... i havent cried like this for a week. :(

thanks girl. i wanna be ok too. till the 10th of may before i'll let it all out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i hate exams. especially now.
glanced at the mirror at 11:53 PM
it's been raining....
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
been raining everyday for the past few days... and somehow it has really affected my mood. it makes me depressed and sad. i dun wan to but i cant control it. eric says i would feel like shit now and then... which reali sucks!!! coz i cant concentrate on my studies. :(

decided to join the guys over at NIE today. having them around really helped alot. i havent laughed so much for quite a while now. thanks peeps. love ya guys!

unexpectedly, he msned me juz now. juz a simple talk. it felt as if we juz got to know each other. rather weird.... and distant. but somehow, i feel lighter right now. after the talk. i wonder why.

thanks for talking. surprised but .................... i cant find the right word to use.
glanced at the mirror at 3:05 AM
these days.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
thanks to all my frens.... i'm feeling much better now.. =P spent the whole of thursday over at nus mugging with my two dear brothers. *sweet* they've been really great these days... asking me out so tat i wont coop myself at home. to think that yihang actually told g to ask me out last nite so tat i wont fall into depression... diaoz. love him to bits! will post up photos soon to introduce them. heh.

and so last nite was a little chill out session over at serangoon gardens Happy Days. not too bad.... but could have been better if it were only the 3 of us. bleah. i miss hanging out with the jc peeps. i miss hanging out with my brother!!!! and he misses me too! whahahah!!

as for today.. had a short retail therapy with my sis. bought 2 bottoms!! one for my part-time job on mon. bloody shit.. still have to spend money to work.. almost half the pay is gone!! boohooohooo.... :( anyways love the other bottom though! didnt get my eyebrows done... they're turning into a bush!!!!!

been reali slow on my revision... better buck up!!!

can't help but wonder if tats got to do with me.. or us. but nevertheless, i'm doing good!
glanced at the mirror at 4:14 AM
Comfort.
Wednesday, April 12, 2006
Just got back from a jog with the 18 guys. really sweet of them to take some time off to accompany me. thanks =) been real comforting to have so many friends there for me when im down and out. i feel loved and adored. well i'm feeling a tad better today.. although it feels abit sad to see ur frens being happy and all with their bfs.

received a sms from him today, unexpectedly.. "are you skipping lessons?"

im sad. veri upset. but i'm not so weak and crushed to do tat. life goes on...... alright who am i kidding? having a hard time concentrating on my work... but i'm really trying hard on tat! with the help of all my frens trying to make me feel better. i received 2 pizza gummies slotted by the window pane today... a sweet surprise from Hobbit 1 and 2!!

found my first reader! mr ccy!! P.S. stop playing with ur silk worm while reading my blog.

i hope u're doing fine too. and study hard.
glanced at the mirror at 1:59 AM
it's over...
Monday, April 10, 2006
received a sms on sat nite. it read "i think we should juz leave things as it is..." i questioned, hoping and trying to work things out. then came a second sms "dont wanna get attached anymore"

tat was the last i had heard from him since then. he stopped replying after tat. he chose not to answer my question. it felt kinda "unfinished". it was painful. really painful. i was torn. heartbroken. my heart aches whenever i think of him, talked abt him to frens. i couldnt control my tears. they come so naturally.

decided to take a cab home on sunday morning. i needed the comfort of my own home to help me feel better. my mum came back frm work and realised i've been crying. she knew wat happened. and i cried when she tried to console me.

my mum: dun cry... there's tons of men out there. no point crying over him. must be strong and let him see.

its heartening to have ur family there. but somehow i cried whenever they showed their concerns. was watching Oprah show on tv today... and some of the phrases mentioned seemed particularly apt for me..

"riddled by all the if-onlys"
"letting go is giving up on the hope that the past would have been any different"

time will heal all wounds. i know it will.
glanced at the mirror at 11:14 PM
Less expectations, Less pain.
Saturday, April 08, 2006
Emperdee: for now, dun expect too much... u'll feel happier

i know tat's the right thing to do. but its so difficult. my heart aches. my mind's a mess. i cant stop the tears from coming. somebody pls help relieve my pain.
glanced at the mirror at 8:33 PM
i didnt know..
he said we needed time-off. he said he needs his personal space. i sincerely didnt know by doing tat would make him unhappy. all along i tot he was ok with it. guessed i was wrong. so wrong. i didnt know by being there alone and letting u do ur own things would equate to invading ur privacy. u shld have juz let me know. i would leave. i reali would.

sheryl said it's nt my fault. but i cant help but feel it is. im still learning. im still trying to understand u. y cant u juz be abit more forgiving and help me? i guess she's right... time waits for no man. what's meant to be will be. i juz hope the story doesnt end here.

suddenly, i'm starting to think if its reali true tat we're juz not meant for each other, tat our hands dun fit.
glanced at the mirror at 11:02 AM
weekend's here!!
Friday, April 07, 2006
IT'S FRIDAY!!! which means tml is saturday... and the day after is sunday!! ok lame. but anyways.. i love weekends (sat to be exact!) becoz tats when i get to spend the whole with the boi. =) but............................... this weekend he's staying in hall to mug for exams.. or shld i say.. WAR? heh.... i'm staying over too! (1) to accompany him of coz, and (2) we're going to support annabelle in MSU on sunday! though i must say, i miss home esp my dad's cooking and my beloved SCV and my bed. poot.

shall make full use of the rest of the day and tml (hopefully) to study for my quiz! i hate quizzes!!!!

the boi's been warring too much these days. war when he's supposed to be studying. war when he's supposed to be eating. war when he's supposed to be....... whatever. u get wat i mean. juz like wat i put as msn nick: "war. eat. war. war. me. war. eat. study. sleep. " no...... i think there's not even a me!! im just sitting at one corner studying while he wars.

WHERE IS ME-TIME?!?! poot.

i hate warcraft. *pout*
glanced at the mirror at 6:07 PM
Dieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i skipped 4 hrs of lessons today!!!!! poot. on a good note, my eye bags seem to shrunk alr.... somehow my eyes look bigger today. =) whahahahahhahaa!

supposed to post up a soft copy of fyp by duno when and we havent done so yet!! my groupmates are nt doing anything abt it!!! ARGH! luckily i have my kind fatty trini to help me later with it.... y r u not my grpmate...... poot.

PRE-EXAM DIM SUM BREAKFAST tml morning!!! so early... shld i go?? so many things to do, so little time!!! 2 quizzes next tues!! and i havent finished any yet!!!! OMG. somebody pls shoot me.

think zhu is still sleeping. i miss the boi alr.
glanced at the mirror at 1:52 PM
ARGH!
Thursday, April 06, 2006
a little misunderstanding tat got me a little upset. stupid. somebody pls teach me how to switch off tat part of ur brain tat makes u think.. a hell lot. alot alot aloT alOT aLOT ALOT!!

stimes girls shouldnt think sooooooooooo much!

but we all know it's inevitable. =P

I CANT GET DOWN TO STUDYING FOR MY QUIZ!!! booohoohoooo... poot.
glanced at the mirror at 7:44 PM
Random thoughts
i'm grateful for having u in my life. i realli am. with u, i've learnt things about myself that i nvr knew before. u stir up emotions in me which i cannot explain. hmm.... im always wondering what u're doing.. suddenly my life seems to revolve around u. i didnt expect myself to be like this. u said i've changed. maybe i did. but tat's becoz i nvr knew i would be so in love with u. is tat a bad thing? sometimes it hurts to have this feeling tat all my efforts arent reciprocated.

will u come spend time with me?

stimes it reali feels like im putting in all the effort. it sucks. y do guys become less loving once they get the girl? y huh? i just wish u would take more initiatives, take the effort to make me happy. now i jus wish for a hug, a cuddle, and a goodnite kiss. make me smile. :)

i reali miss the boi.
glanced at the mirror at 7:00 PM
Virgin Post..... =P
A little outlet for all my rambling thoughts. I wanna be a happy girl. Give me time. Give me hugggs. Cuddle me. Relationship is soooooo hard. Poot.
glanced at the mirror at 5:26 PM